Illustrations by Mike Reed; Story by JR Raphael, PC World
With the emergence of social media came the inevitable emergence of a new breed of narcissistic self promoters, or as I like to call them – NSPs. These opportunistic folks want to steal your ears, get into your wallet, and have you sell their brand of soap. But what they care most about is power and influence. You know these people well; in fact you even know where they are at any point during the day thanks to good old Foursquare. You can’t turn a corner on a social site now without being sold to, preached to, or swayed by someone trying to influence you in some manner with cleverly disguised NSP vernacular. It can be quite annoying to deal with and make your social feeds look less like a discussion panel and more like an infomercial. Some people actually strive to make their living out of being an NSP, while others just spend absorbent amounts of time making sure that they clog your news feeds and twitter streams with self-serving messages and links.
I am a marketer and I will be the first to admit, our breed doesn’t come out smelling like roses here. Marketers are some of the worst offenders in this area, especially the social media folks. This is where we all need to get better at filtering, deciphering, and blocking information. TMI (too much info) is a big problem in today’s online world and can be very distracting and waste tons of time, taking us away from what’s really important in both life and business. Just because someone can make a lot of noise online doesn’t mean that they have tact, intelligence and add value in the real world – or that they have a proven track record for that matter. Anything can be positioned to sound better online, but it doesn’t make it so. It is up to us to do our due diligence and uncover truth from positioning and reality from illusion.
What NSPs often forget is that things work differently IRL (in real life). If these folks exhibited the same type of behaviour in a meeting as they do online they wouldn’t be very popular. In real life, we learn when we listen more than we speak. We learn when we share more than we covet. We learn when we are sincere and our intentions are pure. And we learn when we truly connect with people, not when we just use the word “connect” as a cheap two cent buzzword.
If you are experiencing NSP overload, or would like to turn down some of the noise – here are a few tips to help you manage your social feeds and make the quality of your relationships and interactions more meaningful.
1. FACEBOOK
If your Facebook news feed is being overrun by specific offending NSPs, use the little “X” button in the far right of the post and select “Hide [persons name or the name of the app]“. Then voila. You don’t have to go through the awkwardness of deleting them or the offending app, but you don’t have to listen to soap box shouting either, and can choose only the type of content that you’d like to see appear in your feed.
2. TWITTER
If your Twitter feed is being contaminated with NSP messages or being dominated by an over-active relentless Tweeter, you can choose to stop following people by clicking the “unfollow” button. Start asking yourself what value you are getting out of following the people who you follow. Every once in a while I go into my Twitter account and “cut the fat” by deleting people that I don’t need to follow. This helps ensure the quality of my feed and I have more relevant stronger relationships this way. I also like to connect with local people, because they are in my neighbourhood and they matter more to my day-to-day life than someone out of country.
3. EMAIL
Some people really abuse email etiquette by blasting out messages frequently and taking advantage of people’s contact information. If you are getting way too much email (more than you signed up for) from a particular mailer or you didn’t opt-in for something but have suddenly discovered yourself on an email list for their latest and greatest, mark the message as spam. Doing this will alert the host that you did not expect and did not opt in to receive communication.
4. OPT-IN BEWARE
We touched on being communicated to via email when you have not opted-in, but what about when you did opt-in? Sometimes marketers get us to opt-in for things just so that they can communicate with us, build their follower or member count, or have a direct path to our information. Be weary when you opt-in for anything and make sure you are really getting something of value out of the experience. You can also unsubscribe to mailers who clog up your inbox with frequent messages, or if you simply aren’t interested anymore by clicking the unsubscribe link which should be included at the bottom of the email.
5. (IRL) – IN REAL LIFE
Do the NSPs that you follow online matter to you in real life? Think about the value that people bring to your daily life in friendship and business. Will you actually connect with these people face-to-face? Would you want to? NSPs are usually takers, not givers and they are more concerned with self-promotion and influence, rather than on cultivating meaningful relationships. Ask yourself “would I be friends or acquaintances with this person in real life?” If the answer is no, then you don’t need to follow them online and likely won’t gain anything by being connected to them.
Hopefully these tips have been helpful and will lead you to more meaningful richer relationships both online and off. And remember, while there are many NSPs clogging up the space and making a lot of noise, there are also tons of amazing, wonderful and loving people as well. So don’t judge someone until you have a chance to see what they are all about first. The best way to get to know someone is by having a genuine conversation. I have met some wonderful lifelong friends on Twitter. And I will always remember that.
Have fun out there!
Selina Jane
xo
LOL…NSP’s…I love it!! This is so true. So many people sharing information about such mundane things. STOP THE NSP’S!!!
http://www.runtobefit.wordpress.com
Having skimmed this article I don’t feel all that comfortable in telling you about my new link to your site in http://www.bigram.co.uk
Anyway, (t)here it is
http://www.bigram.co.uk/sublime-blog
cheers, Herb
That’s a really interesting project.
marlowesnymph.wordpress.com
I have many contacts who are NSPs but are totally different IRL than on FB. And I’m thankful for that…because their FB practices are much more overtly narcissistic. I have hidden many…
Great post…very informative! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed…you deserve it!
http://www.denwrites.com
Thanks for the comments. It’s a funny time we live in. I can’t help but laugh sometimes when I skim my Facebook and Twitter streams. It is nothing short of absurd.
Thanks for the linkage
xo
NSP is funny because everybody does it a little, I mean if someone is just got engage you would say it and everybody linked to you would know in hours.
http://www.ercreditrestoration.com
That’s true. Everyone does do it a little… But it’s the ones who do it a lot – all day every day that you wanna tune out.
So, is it okay to plug my new business here?
I’m thinkin’ that’s a little (lot) NSP.
Yup!
What if the rude behavior is working? I recently added every friend Facebook suggested and then contacted those people on their walls once they added me. I sent the same message to each person and asked them to check out my blog and let me know what post they liked the best. I was careful to say that I was asking everyone.
I was reticent about doing this in the first place and once one friend complained I stopped. But it was working. I had hundreds more hits on the days that I posted on 20 or more walls — even with just a generic message — and the hits were coming from Facebook.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Over the top NSP.
It couldn’t have been that bad…it was working? Besides I wasn’t asking you I was asking the author of the blog. You don’t even have Facebook or Twitter. Your opinion on this matter doesn’t really count — it does me absolutely no good.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
You’re a very sad, angry person. Bite me.
I assure you, I am neither sad nor angry…but I was thinking you seem to be. not to mention incredibly narcissistic, yourself to comment when you don’t even use the servies I was discussing…not to mention quite nasty for no reason. Good luck with that.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
Hmmm…I didn’t realize that you were the queen of Word Press comments…the one wearing a crown, holding a scepter…and making the decisions about who can and cannot make comments on posts. Have you heard of freedom of speech? Evidently not.
You put yourself out there, so expect feedback (negative and positive) and people disagreeing with you (gasp!) I am entitled to my opinion, and the blog author didn’t tell me I couldn’t reply to the post, so suck it.
Your insolence make me hungry…I’m thinking pretzels.
To me, Facebook and Twitter are the epitome of NSP. I really don’t give a damn about all your mundane crap (not yours, just people in general.) Therefore, I do not have a FB or Twitter account. I would rather be present with real people…not jackasses hiding behind a computer screen.
I view NSP activity the same as spam. It may work, and you may get some traffic from it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s the right approach. Just as if you had two people who both had a million dollars. One person stole the money and the other person earned it. Same result – different approach but the thief has to deal with their conscience.
If you feel wrong, smarmy, or uncomfortable about plugging something or promoting it. Don’t do it because it’s not the right platform or place. If you feel it’s okay (because it’s a detour from what you normally do) and it fits in – then go ahead. We all have to promote things occasionally, especially in the era of social networking. But it’s when we begin using our networks solely as a means to advertise and promote ourselves, that it becomes an issue of ethics (in my mind).
Twitter and Facebook are the epitome of NSP! It’s awful. I use the block and “x” feature so often! Nothing beats face-to-face.
I heart real life.
Perfect…we are on the same wavelength. Love it!
Absolutely! Added your blog to my fiction site btw. Love the name / focus.
What a sweetheart you are! I am adding your link to my site right now!
Selina, what’s the link to your other site?
Sorry I’m just responding sister. My other site is Lingo Slinger – http://lingoslinger.wordpress.com
All flash fiction stuff.
Well I’m certainly not using my Facebook page solely for promotion. It is still my personal page.
What is the right approach in your opinion?
I am only 7 years old and I have NSP..lol
Hunter71
http://www.hcrproducts.com
This is too funny. And I sort of guess that mostly all NSPs are oblivious to what they are doing. I took a seminar once that was given by a very successful Realtor. He said, “Never ask anybody for anything without giving them something of value first.” Twitter seems to be filled with people asking for something, and Facebook with people who want to share their deepest thoughts (i.e.:”Bored.” “Walking the dog.” “My tooth hurts.”) with the world. At least the blogs provide some kind of dialog.
I think you are one amazing writer….really great content here Selina. Way to go making the front page of wordpress…you are the shit!
Thank you Dean xo
Very good one
Cheers Lenny! Thanks!
…”We all have to promote things occasionally, especially in the era of social networking. But it’s when we begin using our networks solely as a means to advertise and promote ourselves, that it becomes an issue of ethics (in my mind).”…
This is why a lot of people (myself included) have separate accounts for real life friends and networking (like just having family members, friends, coworkers, etc) and for those meant exclusively as a means of networking, i.e. promotion of some sort. I write under a pen name, but for those family and friends who want to keep up with whats going on in my writing career, they’ll have to join/subscribe/befriend my pen name’s account as well since I do not use my real life/name accounts to do any promotion of my writings. It’s just simpler that way. My real life does not require any type of promotion from me and there is no reason why someone should be promoting to me IRL either. My writing career is another story entirely, therefore it gets its own separate accounts.
Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed.
XO
Nicola
http://LetUsWrite.wordpress.com
Hi Nicola. Exactly right. Real life never needs promotion. People will love you and want to be around you just for being you.
Thanks for the laugh and truth of what you write. It was great. Congrats on bing freshly pressed.
Thank you and I appreciate your ear (or eyes rather).
I didn’t realize I was an NSP. I always try to be polite, but I guess when the fear of not knowing where you’re next paycheck will come from, a person can get desperate and try to use the only thing they have left. For me, that would be my writing skills. It’s interesting that I see this post of yours today. Yesterday I decided to stop telling my blog news to my friends on Facebook. The 14 of them try very hard to ignore everything involving my writing, so I need to stop clogging up their news feeds with something that they consider junk. Thanks for the tips.
No problem. I am sure your friends will appreciate that courtesy, and there’s no shortage of places you CAN promote online to people who are looking for that. Check out Absolute Write. It’s a great community of writers who support each other.
I agree with you wholeheartedly — but, but….it’s very tricky. I have been posting some of my blog posts (maybe 30% at most) on my FB page, but only if I think my friends (and 80% or so really are personal friends) will enjoy them or find them professionally interesting; we are all journos and writers.
The problem is this…especially for authors — you have to build the largest possible audience(s) to sell your book(s) and social media are the most efficient way to do so. The challenge is how to leverage it and not annoy everyone. My second book comes out next spring and without growing a large audience for it, I will have produced a big fat zero.
I will say I find my “friends” on FB don’t seem to give a damn and send out book-related stuff almost daily promoting theirs. And I hate it.
Great post, and congrats on Freshly Pressed! There are limits, and spamming hurts value. Know what you find of value, and stick with it.
No doubt. I had to detweet a bunch of NSPs my own self recently. Nice post.
Thanks for your enjoyable and FP worthy post!
It’s hysterical how people get caught up in the FB and Twitter world!
I love that little “hide” button an FB. ….I wish there was a “hide” button IRL!!
OMG I agree that NSP and TMI, IRL is really a BFD!
Blessings,
Ava
xox
Congrats on being freshly pressed…oops was that TMI?
LMAO!!! NSPs…thank you for putting a label on it, first of all, and thanks for the great article! It’s a daily system-overload out there!
Ah… thank you for voicing things that I have experienced in the short time I have been blogging and tweeting! I have avoided doing the Facebook thing because it just seems like so much “work” and not as much fun. I love tweeting because it’s short and sweet. However, I have had my share of NSPs hogging my space with their relentless tweets about the same thing over and over. I did “unfollow” one in particular, because she had like 47 tweets in 3 hours! I complained publicly and shut her out temporarily. Two days later, I re-followed her and it was much better. (I really did think she had some good info and brought me other tweeps (?) but she was just excited about her book and was shamelessly plugging it left and right.)
There are people I see on the blogging sites that basically do the same. Nothing more to say than “Congrats on being freshly pressed” (yes, congrats BTW) and then leave their web address. I’m pretty new to this, but even I see through that!
Thanks for the tips. Good info!
I have loads and loads of NSPs on most of my social media profiles. Most problematic is Twitter. Till now I thought that they are a necessary evil.
yeah overburdened intricacies of Social Media..Nice blog!
Hi Selena,
Loved your post ! For sure it has helped me on how to delete these people. Do you mind if I make a free translation into Portuguese, my language? i am sure it would help many people too.Of course, I´d write your name on it !
Congrats, wish you success !
Rejane
Love the post. These people drive me nuts, and I feel like they are trying to make me one of them with their “get more followers” on Twitter advice and whatnot. It’s great that the internet and social media give us all a voice. We should use our voices. If we all are just making noise, though, there’s no point. Then it’s just a battle of who is the most annoyingly dedicated to shouting above the fray.
Also, it’s exorbitant, not absorbent.
It’s funny…my husband just wrote about this subject the other day on his blog…mind you his word was promowhore, not NSP. Check it out… So is this NSP? Or perhaps a little NHP?
On another note, it’s just a matter of time before we start walking around shopping malls with implanted chips in our bodies or credit cards so that shops can display targeted advertisements personalized to us (a la Minority Report).
Here’s how you deal with NSP. It’s not a easy path.
Wiredwilly’s Law of Political Inverse Proportion: The more you know about what’s going on, the more likely you are to be ignored.